


Rude Awakening: Episode 6: That Party Last Night

by DIsaac (Allstar20032)



Series: Rude Awakening [7]
Category: Daria - Fandom
Genre: Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-11
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2017-10-27 05:05:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/291880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allstar20032/pseuds/DIsaac





	1. Act I

 

  
**Scene 1 ( WHUB break room, show opens with Daria and Jane talk about movies)**  
  
JANE: So have you ever thought about who would play you in a movie about your life?

DARIA: Jane, my life is too boring to be in a movie.

JANE: Come on, Daria. Don't say you haven't thought about it once.

DARIA: I haven't really had time to think about that as I have been too busy with other things - like reading books.

JANE: Who would play you in adaptation of your autobiography?

DARIA: Ok, Lane I see how you twisted it! Since you want know - Young me, Miranda Cosgrave and playing current me, Aubrey Plaza.

JANE: Why Cosgrave? 

DARIA: She has shown she can dish out the verbal art of snark in my monotone.

JANE: Aubrey Plaza, Who's she?

DARIA: Have you ever watch “Parks and Recreations”?

JANE: I have a couple of times.

DARIA: Who does her character remind you of?

JANE: You.......Ahhhh...Good one. 

DARIA: Told ya. So who would play Jane Lane?

JANE: I'm a complicated chick.

DARIA: That's the most honest thing you have ever said in your life.

JANE: Morgendorffer, If someone played me - they might as well start clearing that space on their coffee table for the Oscar.

DARIA: You are sure are cocky about it. Who would play you?

JANE: I don't know - I have a list.

DARIA: Wait, Jane Lane has a list of actresses she wants!

JANE: I do. It's for contingency purposes. At the top, Lizzy Caplain.

DARIA: Lane, you conceited bitch. 

JANE: I'm not conceited. If I was conceited, I would be an art superstar with crappy art.

(Jodie comes in with her Iphone in hand. She is entranced with what is on the phone)

DARIA: Hey Jodie!

JODIE: (distracted while waking in): Hey Daria.

JANE: I don't how you can walk, talk, and play with that phone.

DARIA: Remind me not to drive with her.

JODIE: I'm not a bad driver.

DARIA: Oh it's not the driving part I’m worried about - it's the you paying attention to the road part I’m worried about!

JODIE: Ladies, you are just the ones I wanted to talk to.

JANE: Remember, we only have 15 minutes to clear our desk.

DARIA: And to firebomb the station.

JODIE: You're joking right?

DARIA: That's for me to know and the Boston Fire Department to find out.

JODIE: OK............Well.... have you heard from Sandi recently?

JANE: Nothing over here.

DARIA: Nothing here except she finally left Channel 5.

JODIE: She will be landing here as News Director and WHUB's newest overnight DJ!

JANE: AW GEEZSH! NOT THIS CRAP AGAIN! Jodie, stop hiring our Lawndale High classmates.

DARIA: Because the IQ around here is low enough as it is.

JODIE: Guys, I thought that you would like this move. I'm serious about getting our news operation in shape and she has the cred to do it.

DARIA: But overnights at WHUB?

JODIE: What the worst she can do?

JANE: Oooooh, temping Murphy and his law I see.

JODIE: I think you all are just over-reacting on this situation.

DARIA: Alright, Jodie. We will give her a chance.

JODIE: That's all I'm asking for. I'll see you all later.

JANE: She is soooooo going to regret that hire.

DARIA: And with Sandi, we know it will be very interesting.

JANE: Who would play the role of Jodie?

DARIA: Gabrielle Union.

JANE: Nice casting.

  
  
  
  
**Scene 2 ( Shannahan's Pub, The whole crew is there talking about Jodie's newest hire)**

STACY: That's takes some balls of titanium to pull that move.

DARIA: I know, especially after I had to play ref with you and Sandi..

TED: She'll crash and burn within .... six months.... tops!

UPCHUCK: You know that stuck up voice will grind the nerves of every Bostonian - real fast.

DANI: This will be the biggest train wreck in Boston radio history.

MACK: What about the news operations?

JANE: They will be good, but I’m worried because she's our lead-in now.

MACK: Don't remind me of that fact!

DARIA: Here’s a rare thought of optimism from me - What if she is actually.....good?

(Silent from the table)

STACY: (imitating Sandi): Darrriahhh! I'm Sandi Griffin anything I do will turn to gold!

DANI: She doesn't sound like that.

STACY: I just remembered - you two haven't met before!

DANI: No, but if she sounds like that - keep the sharp objects away from me.

UPCHUCK: I would pay to see when Dani and Sandi's first meeting.

STACY: Get the camera ready for it.

JANE: Who’s going to be producing this new show?

DARIA: Diane, she was the producer in Providence at WPRO on the evenings.

JANE: The Joy and Cheer Goddess!

DARIA: Yeah.

JANE: Well after meeting Sandi, she will be wanting either a stiff drink or the big bottle of strychnine so she never has to see her again.

DANI: So when does she start?

DARIA: Thursday night. This week will be getting to know the crew at WHUB and getting ready for the new show. Ted, what are you doing?

TED: I'm asking the bartender to turn one of the TV to wrestling.

STACY: WWE?

TED: No, International Greco-Roman wrestling. I love to watch it.

(Mack, Upchuck and the crew gives him strange looks)

TED: What?

MACK (whispering): Upchuck?

UPCHUCK: Yeah, Mackenzie?

MACK: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

UPCHUCK: Somewhere in New England someone is stuck in the closet?

MACK: Chuck, you hit it right on the head.

UPCHUCK: I totally knew it when he was too excited to give me a makeover.

 

 

 

**Scene 3 (WHUB Break room, Daria and Jane meet Sandi's show producer for the first time)**

 DIANE: Excuse me - are either one of you, Sandi Griffin?

DARIA: Uhhh, No, but I'm thinking you are the New overnight producer, Diane. 

DIANE: I am. 

JANE: Are you going to introduce us or will I have too?

DARIA: I'll do it! I'm Daria Morgendorffer, the Programming Director of WHUB and One-third of the morning team.

JANE: I'm Jane Lane. I'm the second third of the team also the Music Director here!   
Welcome to the team.

DARIA: This is weird. I can just look you in your eyes while talking which mean you're short!

DIANE: I'm 5 foot even but 5 foot 1 ¼ with these Shapeups.

DARIA: I'm 5 foot 4.

JANE: SINCE WHEN! With the hair – OK I'll give you 5 foot 3 WITH THE HAIR. But you Ms. Daria Morgendorffer you are NOT 5 foot 4!

DARIA: Then how tall are you really, Jane.

JANE: 5 foot 6 and I'm towering over you sometimes. You are 5 foot 2, Daria.

DARIA: But I'm 6 foot 7 in my mind.

DIANE: True that!

JANE: Mind, Yes. Reality, No.

DIANE: Alright, give me the basics about the station.

JANE: We are a music variety station. We play everything!

DARIA: With a focus on 90's, 2000's and Now.

JANE: We are the station that if we aren't playing it - Nobody's playing it!

DIANE: Letting the DJs control the list - awesome!

DARIA: We have some very interesting characters that work here. The one that you need to avoid is Upchuck.

JANE: Wait, isn't Upchuck always in his office with Chipmunk?

DARIA: Yes, but we still need to give that info just in case.

JANE: Ahhh, Got it, compadre! 

DIANE: Upchuck isn't that bad right?

JANE: He was, but Chipmunk straightened him out.

DARIA: On his back - doing something that I need to talk to them about.

DIANE: First, Ewwwwww! Secondly, Where is Sandi?

DARIA: I'll call her.

JANE: Was Providence this crazy?

DIANE: No, it was a family friendly station meaning they played all the boring crap.

JANE: We are not boring at all as you will learn.

DARIA: Found her – She's talking to Stacy. I'll tell her you are in the meeting room.

JANE: You mean the business center?

DARIA: Really, Lane?

JANE: I'm playing with buzzwords.

DARIA: It's annoying. Stop it.

DIANE: I thought this was the break room?

JANE: This is the center of WHUB. Everything happens here.

(MACK Comes running in)

MACK: Hey Daria. Hey Jane. Hey, person I never have seen before in my life.

DARIA: That's Mack Mackenzie, the last third of the morning team also our Community relations director. Mack, this is Diane. she's the new overnight producer.

MACK: Hello and Welcome to WHUB and Daria, either Diane is 5 foot 3 or you have been lying about your height.

DIANE: I'm 5 foot ( Daria covers her mouth) 

DARIA: That's not important right now - What's is important is finding Sandi.

DIANE: That was rude. You could of just punched me in the arm or something!

DARIA: That's the name of the morning show, Rude Awakening.

DIANE: With you, It's perfect name for it.

DARIA: Thank you.

DIANE: Well I'm off to find Ms Griffin - wherever the hell she is.

DARIA: Good luck on your show.

DIANE: Thank you and be proud to be 5 foot 2! Short people pride!

DARIA: Damn it, Diane!

DIANE: You'll thank me later.

JANE: Oh, she is soooo going to fit WHUB.

MACK: I like her here. Daria?

DARIA: Damn, Diane gave away that I'm 5 foot 2. Oh she is awesome but I like my extra two inches on my height.

JANE: You only have an extra inch. 

MACK: I always figure she was the same size as at Lawndale.

DARIA: Zip it you two or I'll pull out your singing, Lane and your sleep talking, Mackenzie.

MACK: You seem to forget your “Naked Sundays”.

DARIA: I'm comfortable about my body.

MACK: Not if you are adding two inches to your height.

DARIA: Shut up, Mack Daddy.

MACK: Don't call me that! Good God, that was the one thing I feared with a Daria–Kevin duo. The Mack Daddies will spread all over New England.

JANE: In due time, Mack, In due time.

 

 

  
** Scene 4 (WHUB Studios, Upchuck is talking with Ted)**

UPCHUCK: Ted, are you coming to the Stanley Cup watch party?

TED: Where is it at?

UPCHUCK: My house - I’ve got a huge TV there. 

TED: Cool! I'll be there at 7pm with snacks.

UPCHUCK: Ted – Can I ASK you a few questions?

TED: Sure?

UPCHUCK: Ted, What is it about wrestling do you like?

TED: Well it's the close man-to-man combat of trying to get the other guy out of a ring.

UPCHUCK: (Thinking): A little gay but I might be in the wrong. I think my next question will answer it.

(Speaking): Ted you have a taco and you have a hot dog – You can only have one for lunch what will you eat?

TED: Well they are both are delicious options but I would go with the taco.

UPCHUCK: (Thinking): See Charles you was overreacting again! Ted is NOT gay!

TED: But it depends on the day sometimes you need a big fat foot-long hot dog.

UPCHUCK: (Thinking): ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! WHY TED DEWITT-CLINTON DO YOU WANT TO BE SO AMBIGOUS! AHHHHH!

(Speaking): OK, How's you and Stacy doing?

TED: We broke up a couple of weeks ago. It was for the best.

UPCHUCK: Sorry to hear that. 

(Thinking): I'm totally believing you are gay. This isn't helping at all. OK, one more question.

(Speaking): Ted, what is your favorite kind of music?

TED: Classical, Hip-Hop and Dance, especially House music.

UPCHUCK: (Thinking) There is nothing wrong about that. 

(Speaking): I'll see you all tonight. 

TED: I hope it don't go into overtime I'll record AC360. I don't want to miss Anderson Cooper - I love looking into his sad eyes.

UPCHUCK: HUH?!?

TED: OH Unnn, I like watch the news of the day and to be informed.

UPCHUCK: (Thinking): OK, Awakard! Just end this conversation!

(Speaking): I'll see you then, Ted.

 

  
**  
Scene 5 (WHUB Break room**

DANI: Stacy, I don't care what you say. I don't want you anywhere near my brother.

STACY: WHAT! So you have a hot brother that I would like to take a spin with his abs on. There is nothing wrong with that!

DANI: There is everything wrong with what you just said. My brother is not a boytoy for you, Stacy!

STACY: I thought you would hook a sister up.

DANI: Sometime, Stacy I can't pin you down. What happen with Ted?

STACY: Long Story but no time to tell it.

(SANDI walks in)

DANI: Hello and Welcome to WHUB, Sandi.

SANDI: Glad to meet you at last, Dani.

DANI: Going to the Stanley Cup watch party at Upchuck?

SANDI: Is he still as repulsive as he was in high school?

DANI: He was but his girlfriend has straightened him out some.

SANDI: Wait? Upchuck got a women to go out with him!

STACY: And it was Chipmunk too.

SANDI: Wow, Upchuck. Way to go.

DANI: Oh let's not forget that Chipmunk is screwing the hell out of him.

STACY: (Laughing and Smiling): Without that we wouldn't have been able to pull that prank of putting him in a rowboat on the Charles River!

DANI: GENIUS!

SANDI: That was mean......Funny too......but really mean.

STACY: But you would admit that it was awesome?

SANDI: I would.

DANI: Tell us a little bit about yourself.

SANDI: Well I started a club at Lawndale with Stacy called the Fashion Club. It was awesome. That is where......

(From Dani's POV .You start to see her looking around the breakroom for what - we don't know yet. She tries to listen to Sandi a little bit more but then starts looking around again. Sandi is oblivious to all of this)

(Both are Thinking the following but there facial expressions are saying it all)

STACY: Dani, what are you doing?

DANI: OK, Stacy. Where are the sharp objects at?

STACY: I am NOT letting you stab another co-worker!

DANI: It not for her – It's for ME! I can't stand it. I can't see how you could stand her for 10 years!

STACY: It took patience. A truckload of it!

DANI: Wait a second! You ended up smacking her with a notebook.

STACY: A HEAVY notebook by the way, Dani, but that's not the point!

DANI: What about the party?

STACY: We will invite her - she is a part of the team now

DANI: OK, I got you.

STACY: Now can we talk about me and getting a date with your brother!

DANI: STACY!

STACY: She starting to notice.

(Back to reality)

SANDI: And that’s my story.

DANI: Cool! So want to go to the station's party?

SANDI: I get to meet some of my other workers. I'll be there. What if Upchuck gets fresh?

STACY: Got mace?

SANDI: I do.

DANI: Then you are ready to go!


	2. ACT II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this was written four years ago. just posting it now. Sorry.

**Scene 6 (Upchuck's apartment, getting ready for the watch party)**  
  
UPCHUCK: Snacks, check.   
Drinks, check.   
Pizzas, check.  
ADULT DRINKS, Double Check!   
We are ready to party!  
  
(Doorbells rings)  
  
UPCHUCK: Guests are coming - be a good host, Charles Ruttheimer!  
  
(Opens doors and the first guest is Diane with a NY RANGERS Jersey)  
  
UPCHUCK: Uhmmm, Diane?  
  
DIANE: Yes.  
  
UPCHUCK: You realize the Rangers aren't playing?  
  
DIANE: So?  
  
UPCHUCK: You do also realize that you are in Boston?  
  
DIANE: I do.  
  
UPCHUCK: And you are in a room full of Bruins fans, right?  
  
DIANE: I assume that being in New England.  
  
UPCHUCK: Then why in the hell do you show up to a Bruins party in a Rangers jersey?!?  
  
DIANE: Conference Solidarity. The Bruins are in the Northeast Division of Eastern Conference. Rangers are in the Atlantic Division of the Eastern Conference. I can support both team as they are in the same conference but not in the same division.  
  
UPCHUCK: That answer won’t solve the little problem you have  
  
DIANE: Which is?  
  
UPCHUCK: You are going to be in a room full of Bruins fans especially with Daria and Jane A.K.A The Snark Assassins! Kid, you are so screwed.  
  
DIANE: EEP!  
  
UPCHUCK: Listen - I have a spare WHUB Bruins T-Shirt. It's too small for me but will be perfect for you.  
  
DIANE: Thanks.   
  
UPCHUCK: Is there anything else sports wise I should know?  
  
DIANE: I'm a Yankees Fan.  
  
UPCHUCK (Facepalm): Diane! Diane! Diane! You do realize where you are at?  
  
DIANE:(resigned): I do.  
  
UPCHUCK: Keep that to yourself, Seriously! Daria after a couple of drinks becomes a crazy drunk sports fan.   
  
DIANE: But she seems so nice.  
  
UPCHUCK: She is, she just tries not to show it. If she finds out you’re a die-hard Yankees fan; however, all bets are off. She is a die-hard Red Sox fan. I don't plan on World War III starting at my house but I'm ready for it.  
  
DIANE: Note to self: Don’t wear sleeveless shirt to work. On the plus side, I'm a Celtics Fan.  
  
UPCHUCK: GOOD! Stay with that and you win over this tough crowd. Remember WHUB is the Home of the Bruins. Some will always try to trip you on that. We’ve got the game on 98.5!  
  
DIANE: OK, Got it! I'll change into the Bruins shirt.  
  
(Doorbell rings)  
  
UPCHUCK: More guests are coming.  
  
(Opens the door Sandi and Tom are there decked out in Bruins gear.)  
  
UPCHUCK: Sandi, Tom welcome to my home.  
  
SANDI: Hell just froze over - I am at Upchuck's House......willingly   
  
UPCHUCK: I though hell froze over when you got someone to screw you ….willingly.  
  
SANDI: Didn't they say the same about you?  
  
UPCHUCK: They did - but they never reported they got frostbite afterwords.  
  
TOM: Well.......Uhhhmm.....Hello?  
  
UPCHUCK: OH, ummh sorry this how we usually talk to each other.  
  
TOM: Ahhh, sharping the barbs this early.  
  
UPCHUCK: Stay tuned - we will be talking about Sandi's Mom by the 1st intermission.  
  
TOM: This will be good. Have Daria and Jane shown up yet?  
  
UPCHUCK: Nope but they are coming. Why did you ask?  
  
TOM: Daria and I are..........well.......on icy terms.  
  
SANDI: How icy are the terms?  
  
TOM: We haven't spoken to each other in 7 years.  
  
UPCHUCK: First Diane and her sports teams and now Daria and Tom's icy terms. It's all the ingredients for the party from hell. Only thing missing is....  
  
(Doorbell rings)  
  
UPCHUCK: That must be Satan himself asking why he didn’t get a invite to this shindig.   
  
(It's Ted in a Bruins third jersey)  
  
UPCHUCK: Hi Ted.  
  
TED: Did I miss anything?  
  
UPCHUCK: No.   
  
(Thinking): But grab a chair on the S.S. Upchuck with the clueless sports fan, the Ice Bitch, the millionaire boyfriend and the Ambiguously gay mid-day host. The SS Minnow has nothing on this ship.  
  
(Speaking): Come on in, Ted. The rest of my guests haven't arrived yet.   
  
TED: Excellent, I can stake out my seat!  
  
UPCHUCK: Alright, buddy. (Under his breath): There’s problem #3 of this party from hell. I hope Jane brings her friend over.  
  


 

**Scene 7 (Jane's Car)**  
  
JANE: Alright - I can see you‘re ready, amiga but I have two more stops to make before Upchuck's party.  
  
DARIA: Who is it?  
  
JANE: You remember that art camp story?  
  
DARIA: Ahh, Alison the lesbian and her Gaydar?   
  
JANE: She was Bisexual and her only miss was me.  
  
DARIA: If I remember college correctly - She didn't miss at all on you!  
  
JANE: It was experimenting and I found out I love guys.  
  
DARIA: And all it took was one crazy night with Micki the psycho.  
  
JANE: I thought we would never speak of that woman again.  
  
DARIA: So how did you forgive Alison?  
  
JANE: A lot of tears on her part and I am a very forgiving person. Alison is a good person. She just made a bad mistake at art camp.  
  
DARIA: What happened to that art guy from the camp you was taking about?  
  
JANE: That one - I'll let Alison tell you all about that.  
  
(HONKING HER HORN)  
  
SOME GUY: (off screen): Hey, Pipe it down - jackass!  
  
JANE: Hey, go shove it up your candy ass - you damn moron!  
  
DARIA: Jane, why did I let you drive?  
  
JANE: You said that you were going to drink tonight, Remember the motto.  
  
DARIA: Friends don't let friends drive drunk!  
  
JANE: Good amiga.   
  
DARIA: Wait that's Alison!  
  
JANE: That's her.  
  
DARIA: You know that wouldn't be all that bad as she is....  
  
JANE: Hawt.  
  
DARIA: Yes.  
  
JANE: Yo.  
  
ALISON: Yo to Jane and you must be Daria.  
  
DARIA: I am and glad to meet you at last. Why didn't you seal the deal with Jane?  
  
(Jane give Daria a crazy look)  
  
ALISON: It was a bad situation all around! I'm glad Jane had sense when I didn't.  
  
JANE: OK, I told her everything but one part.  
  
ALISON: Which is?  
  
JANE: The art guy.  
  
ALISON: That‘s the best part of the story!  
  
DARIA: Which means I need to hear all the details.  
  
ALISON: Alright, Jane and I had a falling out over me doing that art guy.  
  
JANE: Didn't talk for 3 years.  
  
ALISON: Turns out that Daniel Dotson is a smarmy bastard that can't get it up when it mattered most! He was the worst lay of my life and single handily swung me to female exclusively! He was that bad! Lesson is never spread your legs to get your career going.  
  
DARIA: So how did you and Jane reconnect?  
  
ALISON: My career got a break on the art festival circuit. Everywhere I went - My art was winning award after award even a few people choice awards at those events. I then found a new home base for my art in Boston with gallery space.  
Jane is a popular artist in these parts so getting Lane to do a show in your space is a big freaking deal! After what happened, I literally counted myself out of landing some of her art. It was another case of Alison screws up again with another big name artist!  
  
JANE: But that wasn't the case! Alison's gallery was gaining a name in New England as premiere place to show your art. Word came to me that Alison wanted to show my work. And she was just the person I needed to talk to about Micki. After meeting up, we talked and after hearing what happened to her - I just decided to bury the hatch. I showed my work there and for the last 7 years, I have been doing an annual show there for charity.  
  
DARIA: Wasn't Daniel Dotson was on Dateline in 2006?  
  
ALISON: Yep and that tool is now a register sex offender.  
  
JANE: You know you have a mission.  
  
ALISON: Upchuck wants to know if Ted is gay.  
  
DARIA: Let me save you the time. Yes. Yes he is.  
  
ALISON: But from what I’ve heard, he tried to date you and did date Stacy twice before.  
  
(HONKS horn for Mack and Mack comes running out)  
  
MACK: Hey Jane, Daria and....  
  
ALISON: It's Alison.  
  
MACK: Good to meet you!  
  
JANE: Ali, that my boyfriend, Michael Mackenzie. He is also our co-worker.  
  
MACK: You are The only DJ in Midday that’s beating Ted.  
  
ALISON: I am, but I have never met him before.  
  
MACK: What did I interrupt?  
  
JANE: Ali's Gaydar.  
  
DARIA: OK, how does your Gaydar work?  
  
ALISON: I have the most powerful Gaydar in New England. I have 5 levels  
  
Level 1 : is “Gay Vibes” - This is the lowest and if I had listened to myself. I would of saved myself some issues with Jane and been the third amiga. This means you can attract gay people with ease and/or you are slightly wondering.  
  
Level 2 is “Leaning Gay” - This means you have the characteristics but you haven't acted on it yet.  
  
Level 3 is “You're gay just admit it”- Pastors like Ted Haggard, Bishop Eddie Long are in this category of gaydar. By this point, if you’re a guy you going to get pedicures and manicures. Metro-sexuals could give false positives but you have to pay attention to the swagger of the person to get a real reading.  
  
Level 4 is “Get out of the closet already” This one, you are gay we can see it in every thing you do. The only thing you haven't done is munch a rug or did the french mistake.   
  
Level 5 is the one that I have given out only twice, it's “Quit lying! You are the Grand Marshall of the Pride Parade” This means quite simple - You are a flaming queen and everyone can see that! Just stop lying and come clean!  
  
Where is Ted on my radar?  
  
DARIA: If you go by the first look..........I'll say 3. After talking to him...........It will be a 5 or you have to make a new level of gayness for Ted.  
  
JANE: Daria, I totally agree. I have to say 3 which will move to a 5 before it is all said and done.  
  
MACK: Ted will blow your gaydar away, Alison! He is 5 out of the gate.  
  
ALISON: What I taking away from this is he's a 5.  
  
EVERYONE: Yes!  
  
ALISON: This will be fun!

 

**Scene 8 (Upchuck's Apartment, scene opens with a doorbell at the door)**  
  
(Jodie is there)  
  
UPCHUCK: Jodie, Nice to see you.  
  
JODIE: (while looking at her Iphone): Same here, Charlie.  
  
UPCHUCK: Jodie, our day is done! Why are on your Iphone?  
  
JODIE: I am working on something for the next day.  
  
UPCHUCK: Well Ms. Landon, you need to relax or you'll have a heart attack at 30.  
  
JODIE: OK OK I'll try to not work during the party. (whispering): What's the layout?  
  
UPCHUCK: (Whispering): Here’s what to watch for. One, Sandi and how is she going to work with the team.  
  
JODIE: I hope it works because Daria and Jane were not pleased with my hire.  
  
UPCHUCK: Two, Daria and Tom will be at the same place at the same time for the first time in SEVEN years.  
  
JODIE: Yikes! There will be blood!  
  
UPCHUCK: Three, Diane is a Yankees fan and Daria is a Red Sox fan.  
  
JODIE: Wow! This has all the ingredients for The Party From Hell!   
  
UPCHUCK: Lastly but not least, I will find out if Ted DeWitt-Clinton is gay.  
  
JODIE: Why do you want to know that?  
  
UPCHUCK: I have my suspicions, Jodie. When I was talking with him - he was talking about Anderson Cooper and his Eyes. Who does that! Plus Greco-Roman Wrestling who watches that?  
  
JODIE: The same way you would watch indoor women’s volleyball during the Olympics. Upchuck you aren't watch it for competition. You are looking at Cuba, Brazil, and the USA uniforms mainly the shorts. I know - I played in college for Turner.  
  
UPCHUCK: Exactly. He not looking at the competition. He's drooling at the junks of the guys in the tights. Also, Note to self: Get Chipmunk some volleyball shorts. Oh yes indeed.  
  
JODIE: Still sleazy, I see?  
  
UPCHUCK: I may have a girl - but that won't change me at all. She loves me for me. What else can I expect in life?  
  
JODIE: Well nothing at all. Work can wait- I want to see what develops tonight!  
  
UPCHUCK: I also called in help from a friend.  
  
JODIE: Who could that be?  
  
UPCHUCK: Alison Brooks.  
  
JODIE: The artist that Jane does her annual art show with. I tried to bring her to WHUB a while ago for the midday. I'll try to get her for weekends.  
  
UPCHUCK: Always the workaholic I see?  
  
JODIE: These ideas don't stop at 5:00pm - they keep going and going.  
  
UPCHUCK: So do you think Ted is gay?  
  
JODIE: What Ted does is private and is none of my business.  
  
UPCHUCK: Politically correct way of saying “he's gayer then a three dollar bill”  
  
JODIE: Was it that telling?  
  
UPCHUCK: You didn't have your Jodie Landon poker face on.  
  
JODIE: Damn it. So is Chipmunk coming?   
  
UPCHUCK: She's coming with Rowe and Moreno they have to do something at the station before they bounce.  
  
JODIE: Is Daria's man coming?  
  
UPCHUCK: He has to do Bruins Radio Duty in the studio. Pregame, post game , intermission reports, update - the whole nine yards. I'll say this about the kid if you told me he was going to be the breakout star of WHUB-AM – I would of be shocked but Boston loves that kid and he loves it here.  
  
JODIE: Plus, he happened to been my best hire so far.

 

  
  
**Scene 9**  
  
(DOORBELL)  
  
UPCHUCK: That must be the rest of the crew.  
  
(Daria, Jane, Mack and Alison come in with their Bruins gear)  
  
DARIA: Hello and hell have officially froze over as I'm at Upchuck's for a party and I wasn't drugged.  
  
UPCHUCK: Who's the feisty lady with you two? (Grrrs)  
  
ALISON: Alison and I'm a Lesbian. So save the hitting on me as it is just futile.  
  
JANE: And don't you already have a girlfriend?  
  
UPCHUCK: I do, but she wants me to look for a third for a threesome.  
  
MACK: Upchuck, that's too much information there.  
  
UPCHUCK: Sorry, But I have you here for a reason.  
  
ALISON: Where is he at?  
  
UPCHUCK: He's right there.  
  
ALISON: Wow, He's a STRONG 4! I was hesitant to give 5 out of the gate but he came real close.  
  
DARIA: You got of all that fast?  
  
ALISON: Yep, The hair do , the clothes, the aura, and I'm. betting he watch AC 360 and it's not for the news.  
  
UPCHUCK: She's good!  
  
JANE: She never misses on gaydar!  
  
UPCHUCK: Hmmn, I got two more people for you to read later.  
  
ALISON: This must be a fun party trick for you?  
  
UPCHUCK: No, what you got is a gift from God that cannot be soiled. I wish that I knew you in college - you could have saved me from some embarrassing moments!   
  
ALISON: Waking with a tranny a couple of times?  
  
UPCHUCK: I was drunk beyond belief.  
  
ALISON: Ahh.  
  
UPCHUCK: Alison?  
  
ALISON: Yes?  
  
UPCHUCK: There are so many questions I wanted to ask – A lesbian.  
  
ALISON: Hmm, Well knowing you and hearing you slept with a tranny.  
  
UPCHUCK: Nothing happened with that!  
  
ALISON: You were drunk so you have no idea what really happen.  
  
UPCHUCK: What do you mean, Alison?  
  
ALISON: Listen, you have questions and I’ve got answers.  
  
UPCHUCK: Good.  
  
ALISON: We do have liquor, right?  
  
UPCHUCK: We do and plenty of it.  
  
ALISON: Grab a drink and we'll talk!

 

 

  
**Scene 10 ( Why Daria and Tom don't get along?)**

JANE: Don't look now, Amiga. But you know who is here.

DARIA: And I will try to avoid him through out the night - as I have nothing to say to him.

JANE: I thought you and him were civil.

DARIA: We were, but Lane - I have to make a confession.

JANE: Which is?

DARIA: Trent wasn't the only double-dip relationship I had.

JANE: You and Tom went out again!

DARIA: But it didn't work out. Actually - It was a lesson in “Let sleeping dogs lie” for me.

JANE: I kind of figure you’d float back to him as there is no such thing as a clean break. There will be some fragments of bones floating around there.

DARIA: Comparing love to a broken ankle?

JANE: I'm comparing it because it works - It hurts just the same way. So how bad was it the second time around?

DARIA: Jane, it was awful. Tom and I had no business going out again as he was the rebound for me, after Trent Part Uno.

JANE: So he was the rebound?

DARIA: Fair as Tom was calling himself making me his rebound after you. That freaking jackass.

JANE: What was the breaking point with you two?

DARIA: Well it was at a pizza place that it all fell apart again. Go figure! Let's just say It wasn't the nicest way or even cordial way of ending it.

JANE: OOH! I want details!

DARIA: In short, Tom admitted he was cheating on me and after that the Mother F-ers, bitches, manwhores and every other cuss word in the book flowed like water out of my mouth and I swore that I never wanted to see or hear from him again. I'll mark that as a fail on that point.

JANE: I never knew you had those words in your vocabulary.

DARIA: I do know them as I have heard them in some of my dad's epic ‘Mad Dog’ rants. I just choose not to use them unless needed. 

JANE: Whoa. So how are you going to avoid this?

DARIA: The same way I do everything else with a level head and plenty of calmness – plus, ignoring the fact that he's here.

JANE: Good luck with that.

DARIA: Thanks, but I’ve got a feeling it won't work and I will end up talking with him.

JANE: Just don't use those bombs.

DARIA: I won't promise but I will try to curb the tongue.

JANE: I see the herd is watching Sick, Sad World.

DARIA: At least they have taste.

JANE: Or lack there of.

Scene 11 (That explains a lot!)

SANDI: So, what music do you all listen to away from the mic?

MACK: A lot of rap and R&B. What about you Sandi?

SANDI: I love 80's and 90's pop music mixed a little bit of Classic rock.

UPCHUCK: Then you are familiar with the greatest rock singer, Ever?

MACK: Freddie Mercury?

UPCHUCK: No but the lead singer of Power Station, Robert Palmer!

SANDI: Who?

UPCHUCK: Robert Palmer - The guy that sung “Addicted to Love”!

SANDI: Why is he your favorite artist?

UPCHUCK: That man exuded sex and control of his domain. I learned every thing I know from him.

MACK: The growl?

UPCHUCK: From “Didn't Mean To Turn You On” - One of his best song in my opinion. That guy was straight up awesome. 

SANDI: Everything else?

UPCHUCK: I tried to copy his swagger in every thing I did.

MACK: Which you did very badly by the way.

UPCHUCK: It was the effort that mattered.

DARIA: What about the only girl that went for it, Andrea?

UPCHUCK: Man, fuck her and the horse she rode in on!

DARIA: What?

UPCHUCK: She's a psycho. So I was her first - doesn't change the fact that she was batshit crazy!

SANDI: (Laughing): That is hilarious! You have a stalker.

UPCHUCK: HAD a stalker. I’ve got a restraining order on her ass! You missed a joke there.

SANDI: Which was?

UPCHUCK: (Doing his intimation of Sandi): You mean you took someone's v-card... how much did you pay for that?

SANDI: I don't sound like that.

DARIA: Yes you do. (Daria gets in on it with her Sandi) Quinnn, that style was soooo two month ago - Waif said so. Maybe we should give Quinnn'ss Cousin a makeover!

SANDI: Diane, do I sound like that?

DIANE: Yes! YES! OH GOD YES! It sounds like you are always talking down to someone with a bad droning. How did you end up talking like that? 

SANDI: (Getting unconformable): Uhhhnnn, I don't know. I really don't know. Diane can I talk to you?

UPCHUCK: That was weird.

MACK: I think Sandi is a little self conscious of her voice. This is radio and your voice is you and her voice shows a little to much of herself.

TED: What happened?

MACK: Sandi got her feeling hurt.

TED: All that happens while I was making a mimosa?

MACK: (Throwing his hand up in the air): I can't fake the funk! I think you play for the other team.

TED: That's silly, I play for WHUB.

MACK: You know what I mean, DeWitt-Clinton!

TED: Mack Mackenzie, I know what you are talking about and I am not gay.

MACK: I'm watching you.

TED: (to himself): But I'm not straight either.

**Scene 11 (Rowe, Moreno and Chipmunk arrive)**  
  
(Doorbell rings)  
  
UPCHUCK: That must be Stacy, Dani and Lizzy.  
  
(The crew gives Upchuck a confused look)  
  
UPCHUCK: Chipmunk's real name is Lizbeth. Lizzy is short for Lizbeth.  
  
(The crew still gives Upchuck a confused look)  
  
UPCHUCK: You people don't pay any attention to anything.  
  
DARIA: I never knew her real name.  
  
JANE: You know that's sad, right.  
  
DARIA: But knowing me is it all that surprising?  
  
JANE: No it isn't.  
  
UPCHUCK: Stacy, Dani and Lizzy how was the day?  
  
(The crew including Stacy and Dani gives Upchuck a confused look)  
  
CHIPMUNK: Lizzy, short for Lizbeth.  
  
(The crew including Stacy and Dani still gives Upchuck a confused look)  
  
CHIPMUNK: Never mind.  
  
UPCHUCK: I said it already and it won't soak in with them.  
  
CHIPMUNK: Chucky, is the game is about to begin?  
  
UPCHUCK: Yeah it is.  
  
ALISON: Let's got Bruins! Screw Canada!

 

  
  
**Scene 12 ( Upchuck's Kitchen)**  
  
SANDI: Diane, I am absolutely nervous about this new job!  
  
DIANE: OK, so is everyone on a new job.  
  
SANDI: My situation’s different.  
  
DIANE: How so?  
  
SANDI: Diane, everyone in that room HATES me.  
  
DIANE: Why?  
  
SANDI: I was a bitch in High school and at my former job.   
  
DIANE: I'm not surprised as I was about to slap the taste out of your mouth the first time we met.  
  
SANDI: Diane, I'm still a work in progress. I feel like the outcast of the bunch I always try to be the cool one but it turns out that it turns off more people.  
  
DIANE: Have you ever talked without the nasal smugness in your voice.  
  
SANDI: I'll try.  
  
DIANE: About being the outcast of the bunch – I got something to show you.  
  
(Diane shows Sandi her Yankees tattoo)  
  
SANDI: (Without the Smug): Diane! You know-  
  
DIANE: Yeah I know I'm in Boston.  
  
SANDI: Diane, I have to confess something too. I'm a Yankee fan too.  
  
DIANE: What about Tom?  
  
SANDI: Cleveland Indians fan. We went to Columbus to see the Indians' Triple A team, Columbus Clippers as they played the Scranton Wilkes-Barre Yankees. Yeah we are that serious of fans. He thinks they could win it all this year, Not with the Yankees here.  
  
DIANE: Hey you've drop the hoity-toity voice.  
  
SANDI: I did and I don't sound like my mom anymore! Yes! Yes! Yes! WHOOOHOOOO! So what about The Red Sox fans in the room?  
  
DIANE: I’ve got 27 reason to shut them up.

 

  
**Scene 13 (While getting a few slices of pizza, Daria and Tom meet face to face)**  
  
TOM: You know it not healthy to hold all of that resentment.  
  
DARIA: I'm sorry - I don't speak to rich smug assholes that don't give a crap about other people's feeling.  
  
TOM: OK, I get it - I'm sorry.  
  
DARIA: You can make up for it by getting the hell away from me, Sloane.  
  
TOM: I want be on a good foot with you.  
  
DARIA: Too late for that!  
  
TOM: Yes, I know we didn't end on the best terms.  
  
DARIA: That's the major understatement of the year.  
  
TOM: Are you just going to snipe me with snark?  
  
DARIA: Yes I am – I'm lock, stock and ready with two smoking barrels of snark just for you. Do you feel lucky, Tom?  
  
TOM: Daria, I'll be here and I'll keep trying to talk to you.  
  
DARIA: OK, Tom - But I want to ask the first question.  
  
TOM: Fair enough.  
  
DARIA: What made you say I want to date Sandi Griffin?  
  
TOM: I see you are judging her already.  
  
DARIA: I can't see what you see in her.  
  
TOM: Maybe it's not for you to see what is in people.  
  
DARIA: I just want to know why?  
  
TOM: We clicked better then you and I ever did. Yea, you like the brainy side of me but I was so much more them that. She wanted to know me for me not just for the money which in your case made me unappealing to you. Yeah, it is a part of my life, but IT DOESN'T MAKE ME.  
  
DARIA: OK. Although it doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to cheat?  
  
TOM: It was a DUMB mistake but I've learned from it.   
  
DARIA: GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
TOM: Who got it?  
  
DARIA: Peverlely! That how you do it, Boy!....LET'S GO BRUINS!!!!....... Uhnnn, Where were we at again?  
  
TOM: My Question and if you let me ask two - I'll let you ask an another one.  
  
DARIA: Deal.  
  
TOM: When did you become a “excitable sports fan?  
  
DARIA: What can I say about Boston, I move here to go to Raft and Jane took me to a Red Sox game. I actually see why baseball is called the ‘game of writers’. I was there that night in 2004 when the Red Sox was down 0-3 versus those Yankees in the 12th inning when Big Papi David Ortiz comes up to bat and knocked the two run home run that killed that damn curse forever.  
  
(Diane and Sandi overhearing this are cringing at that story)  
  
TOM: Wow. Daria the sports fan – I can't believe it. You know I've heard that story from Sandi except she calls it the end of “The Great Era.”  
  
DARIA: Wait a second. That means Sandi is a.......YANKEE FAN! I bet she’s only a Yankee fan because she read in Waif - that pinstripes are thinning.  
  
DIANE: Hey, she ain't the only one at WHUB!  
  
DARIA: Oh god - I got to convert the confused.  
  
TOM: Hey Indians fan here.  
  
DARIA: Nobody gives a damn about the Indians!  
  
DIANE: We’ve got 27 reasons why we're better.  
  
DARIA: And you bought every single one.  
  
TOM: Screw the Red Sox and Yankees. We will be lifting that title in October!  
  
DARIA: When will you learn, Tom - You have to leave Cleveland to get a title, ask LeBron.  
  
SANDI: I'm surprised you know what a pennant looks like.  
  
DARIA: Oh that AL East Title. That's ours!  
  
TOM: Hello, Best record in baseball and we will whoop the Red Sox and the Yankees. Enough said.  
  
UPCHUCK: HEY! Save the baseball chat for intermission! We're watching the game here!  
  
DIANE: I'm so totally going sleeveless to work tomorrow!  
  
DARIA: Damnyankeesfansalwaysruiningagoodthingwhenyouhaveone.

 

**Scene 14 (Bruins lead 1-0 after the 1st intermission, at Upchuck’s Party, Jodie try to get her woman for the job, Alison)**  
  
JODIE: Alison, it's good to see you here.  
  
ALISON: Same as well.   
  
JODIE: What do you think about the game so far?  
  
ALISON: Bruins are winning and I'll take that. But I know you and I know you are up to something. Jodie, let's cut the small talk and get to the point.   
  
JODIE: I like your thinking. I tried to get you over to WHUB for Middays but you declined.  
  
ALISON: I did because I want to focus on my art and my gallery.  
  
JODIE: I understand and I still want you here.  
  
ALISON: OK, what's the offer this time?  
  
JODIE: Weekends Midday on WHUB also I have a secret project I’m working on that I think you might be interested in.  
  
ALISON: OK, what's the pay?  
  
JODIE: (While speaking write on a napkin): I think you will find the offer very generous and fair. Also, it will allow you to create a new look for WHUB as well with Lane working with you on that.  
  
(ALISON Looks at the napkin and sees the offer)  
  
ALISON: Ms. Landon you drive a hard deal but …..........YOU HAVE A DEAL!  
  
JODIE: I'll send you the paper work tomorrow, Ms, Brooks. I hope you find WHUB a wonderful place to work at.  
  
ALISON: I will - thank you Jodie. Wow I'm a part of the family.  
  
STACY: Is this seat taken?  
  
ALISON: Nope, go right ahead.  
  
STACY: So why was Jodie over here?  
  
ALISON: I will be your newest co-worker soon.  
  
STACY: That is so good to hear! Welcome to WHUB, Alison.  
  
ALISON: So what about you, Stacy?  
  
STACY: It's coming together.  
  
ALISON: The plan?  
  
STACY: Yep.  
  
ALISON Where are we at on that plan?  
  
STACY: A couple more things got to happen before it goes down.  
  
ALISON: You know Sandi will hate you.  
  
STACY: Two things you need to know, Alison. One, she's the newbie at WHUB and two, You forgot to factor in that I haven't given a damn since 2006, so I going to have my fun with this.  
  
ALISON: You mean you would have cared?  
  
STACY: High school me wouldn't of even dreamed of doing what I got planned for the rookie. You know your role in this?  
  
ALISON: I do.  
  
STACY: Time for your role, talk with Ted.

  
  
**Scene 15 (Mack freshens up his glass)**  
  
UPCHUCK: Mack, I didn't know you drink.  
  
MACK: I do I like to enjoy myself a little.  
  
UPCHUCK: Which round is this?  
  
MACK: Round 2 or is it 3..... I don't know and I'm not driving anyways so I don't care!  
  
UPCHUCK: So how do I know when everybody has enough?  
  
MACK: For Daria, listen for “Quinn”.  
  
UPCHUCK: Quinn?  
  
MACK: Not the lawyer extraordinaire Quinn Mercer we know and love but Quinn Morgendorffer in high school - Annoying voice and all. If Daria starts sounding like Quinn it's time to get the drinks away from Daria.  
  
UPCHUCK: What about you?  
  
MACK: You'll know. You know how Charlie Sheen always talk about his “Torpedo of Truth”?  
  
UPCHUCK: I do as I've partied with him on several occasions.  
  
MACK: Wait, Chuck you partied with Charlie Sheen?!?!  
  
UPCHUCK: I have and they are some of the weirdest stories I have in my arsenal of stories. So what about your “torpedo of truth”   
  
MACK: After a few more drinks, “Nice Mack” turns into “Brutally honest Mack” and It will get interesting quickly - As I have heard from others before.  
  
UPCHUCK: Listen Mikey, pace yourself man before you wreck yourself.  
  
MACK: I will, Chuck. (to himself) Too bad that I already decided that brutally honest Mack will make a stop here tonight. 

  
  
**Scene 16 (Daria, Jane, Tom, Sandi and Diane talking about everything)**  
  
DARIA: I shouldn't be that surprised that you are a Yankee fan?  
  
SANDI: I have been a Yankee fan for years also a big wrestling fan.  
  
DARIA: That’s why you didn't do meeting on Mondays, Thursdays and one Sunday a month. I didn't put that and the WWE together.  
  
SANDI: Kind of funny because I was a wrestling fan since I was little. It's something you wouldn't expect a fashionista to watch wrestling and by the way WWE and PG don't mix but it did force them to actually write some decent story lines for them for once.   
  
JANE: I know a hot button for you wrestling fans and it is the same length of my name, Jane Lane - JOHN CENA!  
  
SANDI: Can't stand him but give me Cody Rhodes sans that stupid mask and you would have a happy Sandi.   
  
TOM: So if you have Cody and me hanging off the cliff who would you save first?  
  
SANDI: In this situation - am I married to you?  
  
TOM: What the hell does that have to do with it?  
  
SANDI: A lot to the decision.  
  
TOM: We are NOT married in this one.  
  
SANDI: It was nice knowing you, Thomas Sloane.  
  
TOM: Wouldn't want to save me because of the money?  
  
SANDI: If I was married and you dropped off the cliff - I know from watching plenty for Lifetime movies the first question is ' Did the wife want the money and did she have a new life insurance policy made?'  
  
TOM: Note to self: Ask Sandi if she's watches CSI.  
  
DIANE: Wait a second, where's Burnout, Your show's producer? I really wanted to meet her!  
  
DARIA: That lucky S.O.B. is AT THE GAME working the network coverage for the Bruins. Oh the hazards of the job.  
  
JANE: Don't mean the perks?  
  
DARIA: I do, but I want to imagine she's miserable in the booth at a Stanley Cup Final............. No use that is a damn good perk of the job.  
  
JANE: So Diane after mingling with Sandi what do you think about her?  
  
DIANE: She can be a pain, but I think it’s going to be good. Who's this Kevin that I heard about?  
  
DARIA: That is my current squeeze as all those crazy kids say.  
  
SANDI: Wait Kevin as in “I'm the QB” Kevin Thompson?  
  
TOM: Wow! Didn't expect that at all.  
  
DARIA: I know Kevin isn't an expected as a Boyfriend for me. It strangely works for me and I like the fact that he is the sweetest, nicest, and loveliest guy I know.  
  
TOM: Are you sure that is Daria Morgendorffer I'm talking to?  
  
SANDI: I swore for a moment - we saw you actually smile.  
  
JANE: I don't even know you.  
  
DIANE: I'm taking what I just heard is out of character for her?  
  
DARIA: It is - but you bastards better not say anything at all!  
  
JANE: Pretty soon you will be hearing “Kevie” come out of Daria's Mouth.  
  
TOM: Screw the Mayans and 2012 – THAT will be the end of the world!  
  
DARIA: Sandi, give that man a slice! Because he nailed it closer than Camping ever could.  
  
TOM: So I'm happy - you are happy! The world is good.  
  
DARIA: As a cynic I can't say that at all or I’ll lose my cynic membership card.  
  
SANDI: Aren't cynics wary of any club or organization?  
  
DARIA: Cynics really could care less if there is a club or not.  
  
JANE: But we just eat pizza and watch bad movies at a cynic club meeting.  
  
DARIA: Why the hell we didn't come up with that Idea In High School that would of solved the extracurricular problem?  
  
JANE: Because It would involved actually work to get it started.   
  
TOM: And you would be shocked that everyone at school would try to be a member of that club!  
  
DARIA: I've notice that you will join that club at some point in life.  
  
SANDI: And if you started that club... the Fashion Club would be DOA.  
  
DARIA: See another good reason to do it!  
  
MACK: (from a corner of the room): LISTEN UP ASSHOLES! MACKY IS ABOUT TO DROP SOME KNOWLEDGE ON ALL OF YOU DUMB ASSES IN THIS FUCKING ROOM!  
  
JANE: Oh no!  
  
DARIA: Is Mack Mackenzie drunk? This is going to be good! I'm pouring me a glass to just to watch the show! Janey, Are you OK?  
  
JANE: Help me!

 

 

 

 

 


	3. ACT III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >>>>>>>>WARNING!!!!! LANGUAGE WILL BE REALLY ROUGH HERE

**Scene 17 ( Mack Mackenzie's Epic Torpedo of Truth!)**  
  
  
MACK: DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? I SAID DO I HAVE YOUR MOTHER FUCKING ATTENTION!  
  
(The crew look in shock at the inebriated Michael "Mack" Mackenzie before them)  
  
MACK: GOOD! GRAB A DRINK - HELL MAKE IT TWO! BECAUSE MACKY ‘S GOING TO TELL YOU A WHOLE LOT OF KNOWLEDGE YOU NEED TO KNOW. FIRST, I HATE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU BASTARDS IN THIS ROOM! EXCEPT THE FOLLOWING - DARIA MORGENDORFFER AND JANE LANE, YOU TWO KEEP IT REAL AND I LIKE THAT. I LIKE THAT YOU CAN SHAKE OFF ALL THESE FUCKING IDIOTS IN THIS DAMN ROOM. I LOVE THAT BECAUSE I HONESTLY THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER IN MY GOD FORSAKEN LIFE SEE ANY OF YOU LOSERS AGAIN!  
  
(Pointing to the whole room of people)  
  
CHARLES RUTTHEIMER AND LIZBETH SIOBAHN, CHARLES, YOU THE MAN! I DON'T CARE WHAT THESE STUCK UP CHICKS THINK. YOU ARE THE MAN, CHUCK! LIZZY, YOU HAVE BEEN A SAINT TO CHUCK AND I'M HAPPY ABOUT THAT SO CHEERS TO YOU FOR THAT!  
  
(MACK takes a chug from his Jack on the rock and begin his tirade)  
  
TO THE REST OF YOU, FUCK YOU! ALL OF YOU! NOTE THAT WAS THE END OF MY EXCEPTION LIST! THE FOLLOWING IS MY FUCK YOU LIST! SOME OF YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE ON THIS LIST AND FOR WHICH REASON. THE OTHERS I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU - IT’S JUST THAT SIMPLE! OH AREN'T YOU “SAINT” MACK? FUCK, EVEN A SAINT CAN ONLY STAND YOUR DUMB ASSES FOR SO LONG!  
  
DARIA: This is Mack speaking right?  
  
JANE: Yep and he won't be able to live this moment down at all!  
  
DARIA: Money says he been waiting for 15 years for this moment.  
  
JANE: Who do you think is on the list?  
  
DARIA: Jodie is target #1.  
  
MACK: FIRST UP AS EVERYONE KNOW IS JOANNA LANDON! LISTEN I GET YOU ARE A WORKAHOLIC BUT QUIT ACTING LIKE YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO WANG. FOLKS, DID YOU KNOW THAT I WAS JODIE'S LAST REAL BOYFRIEND SHE HAD?   
REALLY, JODIE LANDON, GET LAID ALREADY!   
  
UNLESS YOU AREN'T LOOKING FOR DICK BUT FOR CATS AND PLENTY OF THEM BUT EVEN THEN YOU HAVE TO WALK AWAY FROM YOUR WORK TO DO THAT! IF YOU BROUGHT ME HERE TO SEE IF THERE IS A SPARK – NEWS FLASH! THERE ISN'T ONE BECAUSE YOU ARE A WORKAHOLIC! I HAVE MORE IN COMMON WITH JANE THEN WITH ANYONE ELSE - ESPECIALLY YOU! SO IN ESSENCE, FUCK YOU!  
  
WHO'S NEXT?  
  
OH, IT'S BOSTON SWEETHEART, STACY ROWE. I REMEMBER YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL BEING SANDI GRIFFIN'S BITCH AND SANDI I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK OF YOU LATER ON! BUT SOME WHERE BETWEEN HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW STACY FOUND HER BACKBONE! STACY ROWE YOU ARE A CRAZY BITCH! ONLY A PSYCHO WOULD THINK IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT SOMEONE IN A BOAT SLEEPING! STACY IF YOU PULL THAT ON ME YOU PSYCHO – I WILL MAKE YOU PAY IN COURT HELL I MIGHT EVEN LEAVE OUT THE COURTS! SO SIMPLY DON'T TRY IT AND FUCK YOU!  
  
DANI MORENO I DON'T KNOW A LOT ABOUT YOU BUT AS YOU ARE CONNECTED TO STACY ROWE, FUCK YOU TOO!  
  
DANI: So we'll be planning a revenge on Mack?  
  
STACY: No, Dani. I know him and he needed to say that for a long time!  
  
DANI: So?  
  
STACY: Let him have this moment. I also think everyone in this room are just bunch of dumbasses - I just don't need alcohol to say that.  
  
DANI: True.  
  
MACK: NOW TO SANDI GRIFFIN. THIS BITCH IS THE ATYPICAL BITCH! HEY, SANDI YOU MEAN YOUR HOOKING BUSINESS AIN'T GOING TOO WELL. I THINK THIS JOB IS A FIRST FOR SANDI GRIFFIN – THE FIRST TIME YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SPREAD YOUR LEGS FOR THE JOB -  
  
(MACK then looks at JODIE)  
  
MACK: I THINK!   
  
BUT HELL WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW!   
  
I DO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE MONEY FOR IT TO OPEN. HEY, SLOANE I WONDER HOW YOUR FIRST TIME SCREWING HER WENT DOWN. LET ME GUESS, YOU FIRST HAVE TO WAVE FIVE ONE HUNDRED BILLS TO HER AND SAY OPEN SESAME. SANDI, YOU ARE VAIN YOU ARE STILL THE VAINEST PERSON I KNOW! SANDI YOU ARE SO VAIN YOU THINK THIS WHOLE SPEECH IS ABOUT YOU BUT THIS PART IS - FUCK YOU!  
  
TO TOM SLOANE, THIS ONE IS A SPECIAL ONE TO YOU. WHEN YOU ARE ROLE PLAYING - STOP DRESSING SANDI UP LIKE DARIA. IT'S CREEPY AND IT'S A LITTLE SICK. PLUS SANDI IS TOO DAMN SLUTTY TO BE COMPARED TO DARIA. IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, DARIA HATED YOU FOR THE MONEY. SANDI WILL GIVE IT UP FOR THE MONEY! YES, I AM FUCKING SAYING THAT SANDI GRIFFIN IS PROFESSIONAL GOLD DIGGER AND ON BEHALF OF DARIA, JANE, AND ME, FUCK YOU!  
  
FINALLY TO TED DEWITT-CLINTON. TED, IT'S OK, YOU CAN COME OUT OF THAT CLOSET NOW. EVEN IF YOU HAVE THAT GAG BALL THAT STACY PUT IN THERE TO SHUT YOU UP. LISTEN, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE GAY PEOPLE BUT I DO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE LYING TO THEMSELVES! TED YOU FUCKING WATCH OLYMPIC WRESTLING, YOU DRINK FRUITY DRINKS – DAMN NOW YOU GOT ME WONDERING ABOUT MR. O'NEIL NOW. WHAT I AM SAYING IN SHORT, MAN UP AND JUST COME OUT ALREADY AND FOR LYING TO YOURSELF, FUCK YOU!  
  
IN CLOSING I LIKE TO SAY THE FOLLOWING - DARIA, JANE, UPCHUCK AND CHIPMUNK, YOU ARE ALL COOL TO ME AND I WOULD BE GLAD TO HAVE A DRINK WITH YOU ANYTIME. TO THE REST OF YOU MOTHER-FUCKERS, FUCK YOU AND GO TO HELL! NOW I GOT APPOINTMENT WITH MY FACE AND A TOILET TO ATTEND TO BUT IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS – I'LL ANSWER IT WITH ONE FUCKING ANSWER, FUCK YOU! THANK YOU ALL!  
  
(The room is in shock of what they witness)  
  
DARIA: Jane?  
  
JANE: Yeah Daria?  
  
DARIA: You remember when it was a struggle to get me to a party?  
  
JANE: Yeah.  
  
DARIA: Jane, don't take me out to another party again.  
  
JANE: Because you don't like parties?  
  
DARIA: No, Lane. I want the moment of Mack epically dumping on everybody in the room to be the last memory of a party I ever want to have!  
  
JANE: Remember this is just the appetizer for Stacy's thing.   
  
DARIA: It is, isn't it. I like parties!  
  
JANE: Me too.

 

  
**Scene 18 (Aftermath of the Torpedo, Ryder and Marchand put in two goals for the bruins to make the score 3-0 but at the party, Mack has stole the night with his rant and the crew try to figure out what just happen and clean up the damage)**

DARIA: Where's Mack at?

JANE: Where he said where he was going to – he's puking his guts out in a toilet.

DARIA: Did you figure that Mack felt that way about everyone?

JANE: I had no clue!

DARIA: So is he going pull a Stacy Rowe and apologize for everything he said tonight?

JANE: I don't think he will.

DARIA: Did he hint that's Jodie is a lesbian?

JANE: He did?

DARIA: I think he did.

JANE: Oh good god. Michael Jordan Mackenzie, what the hell did you do? I'll make nice with Jodie.

DARIA: I'll talk with Sandi and Tom. Sandi was near crying after Mack was done with her.

JANE: Why do we have to clean up the mess?

DARIA: Because if we don't we won't have jobs.

JANE: Yes we will -You Writer. Me Artist. Yeah we will be starving but we will have our dignity!

DARIA: Last time I checked dignity isn't a form of currency. 

JANE: So you are saying?

DARIA: Grab a mop, Scruffy.

JANE: Dammit, Morgendorffer.

 

 

 

  
**Scene 19 (Jodie talks with Alison)**

JODIE: Can I talk with you, Alison?

ALISON: Sure as I think you need it after Mack went nuclear.

JODIE: So did you ever get to Ted?

ALISON: I did and the more I talked with him the more I believe that

JODIE: Yes....

ALISON: HE'S STRAIGHT!

JODIE: What?

ALISON: That boy is straight. He’s just doing all of that to get attention. Stacy and him are still together they’re just on the hush-hush.

JODIE: What if I told your “Gaydar” was right, but it was the wrong person.

ALISON: Huh?

(JODIE nods her head)

ALISON: No waaayyy! Jodie Landon! How?

JODIE: After Mack, there was no guy that was right. However on ladies - that was an another story.

ALISON: I totally didn't get that read from you at all! So how many people know?

JODIE: Of the people on the staff, only you. Mack just guessed and nailed it.

ALISON: So what's next?

JODIE: Daria and Jane will clean it up and they will know first, but I going to tell them tonight after Ted tell them he's straight.

ALISON: This is going to be a hell of a party. Poor Upchuck - he didn't know what will hit him tonight.

(JANE comes running over)

JANE: Jodie - I'm sorry for Mack's behavior. I will make sure it doesn't happen again and please don't fire us.

JODIE: Jane, Mack isn't going anywhere and what if I said he was right?

JANE: I'll call you a dirty liar, Ms. Landon!

ALISON: Jodie plays for my team.

JANE: WHAT!!!!

JODIE: I play for the other team!

JANE: Ms. Perfect is a lesbian! It just doesn't compute! But you and MACK?!? The perfect couple?

JODIE: I'm surprised we lasted that long with me not putting Mack first. It should have failed a long time before - like in senior year but Mack was loyal as hell and I thank him for that. I think he suspected it, but was being nice to not bring it up. Mack will still be the only man to pass the gates - he is THAT GOOD!

JANE: Wow, when I thought Mack's blow was big enough, you up and steals his thunder! Are you going to tell anyone else? 

JODIE: Everyone, after the game. I'll let Stacy have the second intermission.

JANE: Out of all the people that I went to high school with that might go gay - you was the last one I would've of expected.

JODIE: You never know.

 

Scene 18 (Daria tries to console Sandi)

SANDI: (Sobbing uncontrollably) Why does everyone think I’m a slut? I never was one.

(DARIA sees Sandi crying, DARIA being herself keeps her distance but tries to help)

DARIA: (Acting like Sandi is man eating crocodile comes and touch her shoulder) : (Deadpans): There. There.

TOM: Daria, What are you doing?

DARIA: I'm consoling her.

TOM: That's a crappy job at it.

DARIA: YOU’RE HER BOYFRIEND!

TOM: I was - then I said something stupid and she wants me to stay away from her.

DARIA: Well that sounds like nothing new for you. I mean you are a pro at that.

TOM: Really?

DARIA: Didn't you get a gold medal at that?

(SANDI all of a sudden comes and hugs DARIA)

DARIA: SANDI! NO HUGGING! NO TOUCHING! 

SANDI: (still sobbing): Sorr..sorr....Sorrryyyy!

DARIA: This green sweater is now dead! Damn you are stealing my title.

SANDI: (Sobbing): Which is?

DARIA: The misery chick! Where's Diane?

TOM: She’s actually watching the game. Well, she’s clicking between the Red Sox VS Yankees and Stanley Cup game.

DARIA: I'm glad to see she's not fazed by the craziness.

TOM: Actually - she was consoling Sandi first but ended up laughing in her face hard at the whole situation. Mack has at least one fan!

DARIA: Listen up Griffin! Are you a gold digger?

SANDI: No!

DARIA: Then why are you crying?

SANDI: I hate that people think of me that!

DARIA: What do you think would happen? (She suddenly sound like Quinn) Listen you’ve been the way you are for years and you have done a lot of damage over the years. It's not likely that it’s going to change instantly.

SANDI: But, Quinnnn.

TOM: That's Daria, Sandi!

SANDI: OH MY GOD, YOU ARE QUINN'S SISTER!

DARIA: (sounding like Quinn): Sorry...... I got to go!

TOM: That was weird.

 

 

**Scene 19 ( The Duo get updates)**

JANE: So Daria what happened to you?

DARIA: (Sounding like Quinn): Nothing much except I scared the crap out of Sandi.

JANE: I'll call it solved. Jodie don't need any help, but she did want me to tell you that she's gay.

DARIA: She's WHAT!

JANE: Gay, Daria.

DARIA: Stop kidding.

JANE: I heard it out of her mouth and Ted is straight!

DARIA: I need a good stiff drink or two. You know what, SCREW IT! Make it Three! Jane, you want a drink too?

JANE: But I'm suppose to be the designated driver. 

DARIA: I'll call Kevin to take us home.

JANE: Then yes please!

DARIA: These people are nuts!

JANE: I'm starting to agree with Mack now.

 

 

 

  
**Scene 20 (Rowe and Moreno strikes again!)**

STACY: Can we have your attention please?

(Crowd still milling around)

DANI: Hey you morons! Eyes up here!

(Crowd turns their attention to Stacy and Dani)

STACY: Thank you, Dani.

DANI: It's a gift!

STACY: Now as you know, we have a new member to the team - Sandi Griffin.

DANI: We know you have been over on the TV side for years but you have finally crossed over to the good side.

STACY: Yep and you're learning that we like to have fun here.

DANI: Now to why we want your attention. As you know, we have a tradition of pulling kick-ass pranks on the newbies.

STACY: It like the Masters, but we let ALL the people in on the fun- 

DANI: And we also have less class too.

STACY: That is important to point out, but we never had class in the first place. Remember?

DANI: That's right! I forgot about that.

STACY: Now we have been working on something to welcome Sandi to WHUB in OUR style.

(Writer's Note: We would hear from Daria and Jane right now but they are too drunk off the behinds at this moment to comment!)

DANI: Stacy has her connections and got her people to do a makeover to her car.

JODIE: What! No way!

STACY: Sandi, come and see our work!

(SANDI runs over to the balcony to see Stacy and Dani's work of painting her Porsche, Black and Gold.)

(SANDI lets out a blood curling scream)

SANDI: What the hell is wrong with you, Stacy! 

STACY: (takes a deep breath): You asked for it, remember there is a BIG difference between kneeling down and bending over! Last time I checked, Stacy Rowe isn't kneeling down to anyone and I'm definitely NOT bending over for anyone either! I wanted to make this clear to you, Sandi. This isn't high school and this isn't Lawndale, Maryland either. This is Boston, Mass and this is WHUB! If you think for a second that you are going to pull that crap around here – You got another thing coming! Did I make myself clear for you, Sannndi?

SANDI: But I apologized to you?

STACY: You did, but I need to get mine last licks on you, newbie. Welcome to the team, Griffin. I could have done worse but I still like you as a friend.

SANDI: What do you do to your enemies?

STACY: (Matter of Factly): Explosives.

(SANDI pops her eyes out after hear what STACY just said)

SANDI: She's kidding right? 

DANI: Ask Andrea Hecuba-Thorne from the Boston Herald after she wrote a bad review about us. 

SANDI: That was Upchuck's ex! Oh my god, Stacy is a psycho!

DANI: Not psycho. Just very aggressive about what she wants out of life. She has her moments of craziness - but hey everyone does!

SANDI: That’s like saying hey Charile Manson happened to be a musician but he had his moments and killed people, but there nothing wrong with that - That's just Charlie!

DANI: At least she’s on OUR side!

SANDI: True, I'm glad she didn't do what I think she might of done if we hadn't make up before!

DANI: 1812 Overture with cannons aimed at your Porsche!

SANDI: She had that planned?

DANI: Yep, but we like you. Welcome to the team!

SANDI: Thanks!

(DIANE looks at the car)

DIANE: That was messed up but this is the greatest party ever! Game 7! The Bs are winning! Life is good!

 

 

**Scene 21 (The Duo is wickedly hammered, Daria is now sounding like Quinn in full effect and Jane drunk sounds like........... I'll let you guess who she sounds like.)**

DARIA: This drink is a good drink here! I need to drink this all the time! Hey, Jane how many did I have.

JANE: Twoooooooo maaaaaayyybeeeee Threeeeeeeeeee!

DARIA: How many drinks did you do?

JANE: Seeeeveeeennnnn! Thaaaat aaaaa neeeewww rrrrrrreeeecccccoooorrrddddd ffooorrrr meeeee!

SANDI: I guess you were right you had to be drunk beyond a doubt to join the fashion club.

DARIA: Hey don't you -yyyooouuu- youuuuuuuu talk to me that way!

JANE: Daaaaarrriiiiiiaaaaaa, yooooouuuuu neeeeeeeeeeedddd tooooooo chiiiiiiiiiill.

SANDI: Uhmmm, Daria? Jane? ….....You know what....... I'll let you be.

DARIA: Hey! I have good advise to be had...... I think?

JANE: Leeeetttt iiiiiittttt gggggoooooo, Mooooorrrgeeendooorrrrffffffffeeerrrr. Sheeeeee’ssssssss juuuuuuust miiiiiissiiiiinggggg theeee paaaarrrrrtttttty.

DARIA: I can't feel my face, Jane.

JANE: Meeeeee tooooooooooo.

SANDI: Jane reminded me of someone. No, Jane would hate that.

 

Scene 22 (THE BRUINS WIN THE CUP! 4-0)

V.O. from the TV : There are probably some leather lunged fan in Boston tonight saying “We didn't lose the British and we aren't going to lose to British Columbia!” As the clock run out. After 39 years the cup is coming to Boston. The Boston Bruins are your Stanley Cup Champions!

(The Crew celebrate the new champs)

MACK: This is the greatest night of my life!

STACY: You mean earlier wasn't your finest moment.

MACK: Reason why it was the greatest night. You can't keep Mackenzie down for long! What about Daria and Jane?

DIANE: It looks like the Three J's did a number on them. Jim, Jack and the last one that cause you to forget, Jose!

MACK: You know with how Daria sounded - You really don't know the irony in that line!

STACY: Screw that! The Bruins won the Cup! I'm going streaking!

DANI: Vancouver was such a nice city. Too bad they are going to burn it down tonight! 

DIANE: What’s that sound needed for the Canucks- Oh yeah (Choking sounds)

MACK: That was because Boston shot at them like a cannon!

JODIE: This is awesome night to be a gay Bostonian. 

MACK: Of course it's a great time to be happy, Jodie! We just won the cup and people say happy not gay. It makes you sound like you are from the 1920's.

ALISON: Jodie, for a business person you suck at this. Guys and Gals, Jodie's coming out.

STACY: Outside. Cool, I need a look out when I'm streaking down the streets of Boston!

JODIE: One, no to that, Stacy. Two, that's not what I mean!

DANI: I'll do it, Stacy! Heck I'll even streak with you.

UPCHUCK: Stacy and Dani Streaking! I'll get my camera!

CHIPMUNK: Make sure you get our tape from last night out of the camcorder, Upchuck!

JODIE: Guys, what I am trying to say is.

MACK: Jodie, what in the world that could stop us dead in our track tonight!

JODIE: I am a Lesbian!

(Everybody stop dead in their tracks)

ALISON: You were right. It did shock them.

JODIE: Give me my $20, Ali.

MACK: What did I do wrong, Lord! God, I turn my EX into a lesbian!

JODIE: No you didn't. You was actually kept me leaning toward straight through High school. I knew then - but I wanted to know for sure and after the break up I tried it with guys and the connection that we had just wasn't there with them. But one night I gave a girl a shot, being curious...Well let's just say I liked more then I thought and it confirmed what I knew.

STACY: I thought it would be those two (pointing Daria and Jane) that would do that but Jodie Landon!

JODIE: You never know.

MACK: Still doesn't change that you are a workaholic!

JODIE: I know and I'm working on it. Honest!

MACK: So Jodie's gay and The Bruins win the Stanley Cup! Where are the flying pigs at? Do Daria and Jane know?

JODIE: I told them before they got plastered. I gave you all an off day tomorrow.

MACK: Good because we three will be in no shape to go on air tomorrow!

JODIE: By the way, Ted is straight. He just did all of that to drive you all crazy.

UPCHUCK: Good job at it, Ted. Uhnnn, Ted - you can pick your jaw up buddy!

TED: I didn't see that coming! Well this party is going down in the books of the legendary, Upchuck!

UPCHUCK: ANY party I throw is an experience to be remember forever!

TED: Geezsh, Cocky much!

UPCHUCK: I know what I can do! Alright who’s doing what?

ALISON: My ride is drunk as hell with her buddy!

JODIE: I'll take you home!

ALISON: Thanks and hands off the phone please!

JODIE: What about my phone?

ALISON: I like my life - it makes me special!

MACK: My money is that Daria called Kevin to pick her and Jane up. That will be later on. Jodie can you give me a ride home?

JODIE: Sure and I'll make sure I give you a rebuttal to your speech tonight!

MACK: You know that’s how I feel about high school!

JODIE: Rebuttal is coming!

MACK: I hate it when you do that.

JODIE: I know, but not as much as Mack Daddy!

(MACK mumbles)

DIANE: I'm rolling with the millionaire and the overnight talent. I'll try to get him to give me a $20.

DARIA: Diane, he's the stingiest bastard I know! You couldn’t get $20 from his butt crack even if you tried.

TOM: They live!

SANDI: And they look like they are some mean drunks too.

JANE: IIIIIII AAAAAMMMMMM NOOOOOOTTTTTTT DDDDRRRRUUUNNNKKKK!

DARIA: Lane, we are! We are so totally wickedly wasted right now!

JANE: TOOOOO CCCYYYYNNNNIIIIIICCCSSSSS!

DARIA: TO CYNICS!

(CLINKING GLASSES)

UPCHUCK: I just might scare them by saying that me and Chipmunk will do it in front of them!

DANI: They will be passed out by then!

CHIPMUNK: You know “old you “ would probably end up in jail for doing what I think you're thinking.

UPCHUCK: Plus that awkward morning after! Thank god I have you!

CHIPMUNK: I know.

JODIE: Let's drink to the champs!

STACY: Hell yeah!

  


 


	4. Epilogue

**Scene 23 (Daria's Apartment, the morning after the party)**

  


(Daria is having a major hangover when Kevin comes in. Daria is sounding like herself)

KEVIN: Hey, Daria!

DARIA: Too loud, Kevin.

KEVIN: (Comes close and Whispering): Hey Daria. How's the hangover? 

DARIA: I missed work, I have a banging headache and I think I sounded like Quinn. All in all, it sounded like I had a fun night. Unfortunately, the morning after...... that's a killer!

KEVIN: I’ve got a hangover cure that works. I did this all the time in college.

DARIA: Kevin, I am in no condition for that - right now.

KEVIN: No, not that..........But that sounds good later on! I have this drink that I make that can cure a hangover fast. My frat buddies and guy on the team showed me this. I'll whip it up for you, Daria.

DARIA: Ok, I trust you with my kitchen. Even though I shouldn't!

KEVIN: Daria, I'm the QB - I got this!

(Phones rings)

KEVIN: Hello QB and Cynic bookie services we'll bet on anything and I mean ANYTHING! it's totally endorsed by Pete Rose!

JANE: I'll put $50 on the two cynic with the massive hangovers!

KEVIN: Jane, she’s among the living. I'll let you two talk.

(Kevin gives the phone to Daria)

DARIA: I would say something sarcastic but this hangover is killing that.

JANE: I know. I have never had a hangover this epic. Was I talking really slow?

DARIA: Yep and I think I know the answer to this one! Did I sound like my sister pre-smarts?

JANE: Oh yeah, Morgendorffer. You did.

DARIA: I must have made an complete ass of myself.

JANE: Nope you didn't. Mack did with his speech!

DARIA: Hey Kevin, did you know Mack made a speech last night?

KEVIN: Did he say anything about me?

DARIA: Funny he didn't.

KEVIN: That was because I wasn't in the room. 

DARIA: It might be for that reason. Where's Mack at now?

JANE: After getting a rebuttal from Jodie. He's at home sleeping it off. She gave most of the staff a day off including HERSELF.

DARIA: Jodie the workaholic give herself a day off? That's shocking within itself. Have you hear from Alison?

JANE: I haven't, but I heard that Jodie took her home.

DARIA: Kevin’s got his hangover cure ready for me. How do you cure a hangover?

JANE: Coffee and plenty of it!

DARIA: That's your solution to every problem!

JANE: Go with what is working.

DARIA: Bye , Lane.

KEVIN: It's ready!

JANE: I'll talk to you if you survive this.

DARIA: I hope so. Sadly, there isn't $100,000 waiting for me on the other side of this Fear Factor.

JANE: Bye, Amiga!

(Hangs up phone)

KEVIN: Here. Drink it!

(DARIA looks at the thick concoction in front of her. The stuff looks snarly but she try it and.......)

DARIA: WHAT THE HELL, KEVIN! What is in this ....... this .........this …....... thing?

KEVIN: Eggs, clamato juice, hot sauce, sugar, soy sauce, mustard, ketchup, vodka among over things in there!

DARIA: I don't believe what I am going to say, but this thing makes my dad cooking back in high school taste awesome!

KEVIN: That stuff cures it quick!

DARIA: Because you forget the hangover, but you will remember this thing in front of you.

KEVIN: Exactly! That's why it works.

DARIA: Kevin, how about some coffee?

KEVIN: I was hoping you said that because that stuff reeks.

DARIA: Why did you even say that was a cure?

KEVIN: Are you even thinking about your hangover?

DARIA: With this in my hand, Nope.

KEVIN: That why it works. I should give that to Mack.

DARIA: Mack would kill you.

KEVIN: Daria, I have given this to Mack a lot of mornings after drinking.

DARIA: Kevin?

KEVIN: Yeah Daria?

DARIA: Make the coffee. Please.

(KEVIN goes and make the coffee)

DARIA: I don't know what happen exactly but I got I feeling I will remember this night for a long time.

 

_**(END)** _   



End file.
